Cornish Memories

A Cornish Raconteur

Are the Cornish considered to be great raconteurs?  I sometimes wonder if that's where my mother inherited this ability!  My mother once said that her mother must have thought this particular grandson (me) had lost some of his marbles?  It seemed that I found my grandmother extremely amusing, even when she was not intending to be.  I'm sure it was the matter-of-fact way that she related events and happenings in her everyday life.  As my mother was the eldest of the eldest, she associated with and remembered her grandparents quite well.

This is about her grandfather, John Cornish, born 12th December 1854, married Emilie Elizabeth Hull 25th December 1882, died 17th March 1939 when I was only two.

Following a visit from a much younger second cousin, it has inspired me to commence this collection as it is just possible that I may be the only one left to narrate these stories.  They are not in chronological order and don't really need to be, I guess.

One of the most fascinating part of the Cornish working man's speech is to add h'aitches where they h'ain't and leave them h'orf where they h'ar!  If you are Cornish born, please forgive me if I don't get the accent quite right.  However, I expect to make this presentation without interruption because as John was known to say, "When you're talkin', you h'ain't list'nin’!"

It seems that everybody could stay in bed as long as John was still in bed but as soon as his foot hit the floor, the "roll-call" would start:  "Lizzie, Annie, Richard; get up.  John, Tom, Gussie; come on get up!"  The work ethic seemed to be - one up, all up!  He was also known to say, "Them's that's fond of their bed h’in the mornin', h'aint so fond h’of h'it h'at night!"

John was reputed to be a good gardener and had been recognised with the work done to the Warragul Hospital gardens.  I think the following comment may have been about his daughter's garden, but I could be wrong, "H'everythin' h'everywhere; nothin'  h'anywhere!"

On another occasion my mother and grandmother were expecting 'Grandad Cornish' for lunch.  Grandma was at the sink in the kitchen overlooking the back vegetable garden.  John had entered by the back gate and was spotted by Grandma pulling things out of the garden.  Grandma rocketed out the back door bellowing, "Get out of that; I've go carrots in there!"  The retort came, "H'I know h'and h'I'm weeding them h'out 'cos they're too close togither!"

On still another occasion, Grandma was chipped about her garden when John said, "You're lookin' h'after that plant real well!"  He was referring to a tall thistle that was hidden amongst some other tall plants in a bed against the front veranda.

John Cornish liked the occasional tipple and to disguise the smell of the drink he would come through the vegetable garden, pluck some onion leaves and chew on them and discard the rest into the garden.  When he entered the house, the smell of onion was prominent and then be greeted by his wife, "Jack!  You been drinking again?"

Would you believe that with a name like Vivian Martin, I am only one-eighth Cornish!  The Martin, from my paternal grandfather, originates from Fife in Scotland and the Vivian my mother plucked from a newspaper at the time because she liked the name!  (A bit of let-down really not being named after some saint or some saintly person)!  It was only years later that I did my Cornish research and discovered things that my mother was not aware of including a connection through female lines to the Martin's of Stithians in Cornwall!  In later years, I alerted my mother to the fact that there are two male spellings of my name – Vivian and Vyvyan; all the rest are female spellings.  My mother then stated that if she had known about the Vyvyan then I would have got that!  Ouch!

Prior to coming to Melbourne in early 1985, my wife (Freda) and I had a bookshop for 11 years.  Bendigo is in the country about 100 miles (150 kilometres) north of Melbourne and has a strong mining background together with adjacent areas such as Eaglehawk.

When serving one of my customers one day, she suddenly reminded me of my maternal grandmother and I said to her, "Mrs. Phillips, do you have any Cornish blood in you?"  Her reply was, "What do you think with a name like Phillips?"  "Yes," says I, "But that is your married name, and I do not know what your maiden name might be."

I then continued to relate a story that my mother told me about her Cornish (but born in Australia) maternal grandfather.  When she was young, probably a teenager, she asked her grandfather (h’out of "divilment") to spell 'umbrella' and the response was:  "H'ew, h'emm, bee, h'ar, h'ee, h'ell, h'ell, h'ay."  My mother dutifully wrote it down precisely the way he had said it, probably not with the apostrophes that I have included above, and then asked, "Is this how you spell umbrella grandfather?"  showing him the written interpretation.  The retort from grandfather was swift, "Git h'out h'of h'it, h'afore h'I put the stick h'about your ligs!"

Mrs. (Teddy) Phillips responded that that would be correct as they used to have an older Cornish couple living next door to them in Eaglehawk and they also spoke like that.  Then, feigning reluctance, she told me her story, which she assured me was true!  It seems that the Cornish husband of the couple next door arrived home from work one day with a very sore back and, stripped down but still standing up, was having

his wife rub his back with 'liniment' (the lin'h'iment; another Cornish favourite it seems).  Unfortunately, she applied it too liberally and it trickled down his back and 'tickled' a rather sensitive spot and he was bellowing out at the top of his voice, "Me h'arse is on fire, me h'arse is on fire!"  A passerby thought he was yelling that his house was on fire and called the fire brigade!

(This story was researched by George Ellis of Bendigo Cornish and a person who lived opposite this couple assured him that it was true.  George has published this in one of his books.  Hmmm ….. you be the judge)!